The Top 17 Things We're Happy About
17. The new Frappuccino flavors are here! The new Frappuccino flavors are here!
16. Whoopi Goldberg is on "The View" -- meaning there is *still* no chance of me ever watching it.
15. TopFive humor is now available in suppository form.
14. Two more figurines and my Chip 'N' Dale Museum of Torture is complete!
13. A single Outback Bloomin' Onion satisfies cholesterol requirements for an entire year.
12. The Duggars finally pushed that pesky fetus out and are free to get pregnant again!
11. Carlos Mencia has not yet discovered, and subsequently plagiarized, TopFive's archives.
10. Just had free cake and a loud clapping "Happy Birthday" performed by waiters at T.G.I. Fridays for the sixth week in a row.
9. Hillary's showing cleavage!
8. Kids are back in school -- and not online pwning my ass in Xbox Live Halo.
7. Buying a lukewarm carb-feast for my child, glistening with grease, wrapped in about a pound of instant trash, and containing a tiny plastic toy that will hold his/her attention for maybe 10 seconds.
6. Still possible to bribe your way as high as number 6 on the Top 5 List.
5. John Denver's shoulder are currently 100% sunshine-free.
4. Three words, baby: presidential term limits
3. Coffee and a sandwich at the O'Hare Starbucks? Still only $50!
2. Out of all the people in the world, the widow of the deposed Nigerian president picked ME to write to! Me, me, ME!
and the Number 1 Thing We're Happy About...
1. Dick Cheney's infectious smile!
The Top 17 Things We're Happy About
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