It Must Be True
A new portrait of President Clinton has caused a rift between the current and former first ladies,says The National Enquirer.The painting,recently unveiled at the National Museum of American History,shows the former president standing with his hand insouciantly on his hip,with no wedding ring,and a facial expression that might be described as satisfied."It makes Bill look like he's just come from a sex tryst,"said a source."Laura's had mutual friends inform Hillary that everyone is snickering.She thinks it's a disgrace." Mrs. Clinton apparently did not appreciate the input.
A British mugger has been sentenced to four years in jail for trying to steal two bags of dog excrement.David Carlisle, 32,jumped out of a car brandishing a knife at 52-year-old Marion Budd,who was walking her dog. "Give me your bags!" Carlisie ordered.Budd handed over the bags,which she was using to transport her dog's feeces to the nearest trash can.While handing down the sentence,the judge told Carlisle his choice of target was a "testament to his incompetence."
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Steely Dan
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A pet fish is being blamed for starting a near-fatal house fire.Investigators believe the fire started when Kipper,an 8-inch long catfish;got into a territorial altercation with another fish.The vigorous scuffle caused water to slosh out of the aquarium onto an electrical plug,starting a fire that engulfed a nearby couch,and soon the entire house."At least we are here to tell the tale,: said home-owner Sharron Killahena of Poole,England,who eascaped with her two children.
Singer Clay Aiken's booking to sing at a Christian festival has been canceled because of rumors about his sexuality,says Globe.The American Idol star was scheduled to appear at an Atlanta show organized by Pure Fashion,a group committed to "promoting the virtues of modesty and purity in our culture."But after public allegations that Aiken has had sex with a man he met on gay Web,the invitation was withdrawn."At this time,"says a Pure Fashion spokeswoman,"we will have to err on the side of culture."
A Canadian man has been convicted of assault after an ill-conceived attempt to style his girlfriends hair with a power drill.Shee Theng,30,inspired by a device he had seen in an infomercial,attached a small brush to the end of the drill and tried it on the hair of girlfriend Janine Rose,25,who was asleep at the time .She awoke,screaming as the drill tore clumps of hair and scalp out of her head.Prosecutors pointed out that Theng had already experimented on his own hair with similar results.
An undercover agent who infiltrated the Mafia ate so much Italian food with his mob cronies that he became obese,says the New York Post.Testifying at the trial of a Gambino family associate, Joaquin Manuel Garcia said that he spent much of his two years in the mob consuming steak,pasta,risotto,and fresh seafood at various well-upholstered restaurants in the greater New York area."I gained a good 80 pounds in this case,"Garcia told the court." I did a lot of eating,Your Honor."
Prince William's girlfriend has turned down his proposal of marriage,says The National Enquirer.The heir to the British throne spontaneously popped the question to 24-year-old kate Middleton while the couple was vacationing on the island of Mustique,and was promptly rebuffed.Middleton doesn't want the intense attendion that comes with being a royal,and fears being compared to William's mother,Princess Diana."Kate knows there was only one Di," a "palace insider" tells the newspaper."She wants the freedom to just be herself.And she knows if she marries William she gives up that freedom."
A British preacher wearing a cordless microphone rushed off during a service to urinate,broadcasting every sound of his bathroom visit to the congregation.After delivering his Sunday sermon,the Rev. John Hawdon slipped away,forgetting to unclip his microphone.Within seconds,the church was filled with a distinctive splashing sound,followed by a contented sigh,"It was mortifying,"said one parishioner."We sat totally enbarrassed.One or two folk managed a giggle.
A British woman who was due to give birth on June 6th demanded a Caesarian a day earlier to ensure that her child was not the spawn of the devil.Melissa Parker of Caversham says that when she was told of her due date,she thought,"Oh,God,I'm giving birth to Damien from The Omen.I'm terrified the birth will go wrong or the child will have evil in him or her, Doctors told Parker that due dates are just estimations,and that they will not induce labor or perform a Caesarian just to avoid a June 6th birth."This baby will be born when ready,no matter what day it is ,"says a hospital spokeswoman.
An American student is having such a good time at college that he just won't leave.Johnny Lechner began his studies at the University of Wisconsin in 1994--and 12 years later,he's still there.The 29-year-old planned to graduate this month,but changed his mind at the last minute. So far,he's completed 234 credits--100 more than he needs to graduate.Lechner claims he loves studing,but fellow students say it's parties and young women that he doesn't want to give up.
A frustrated German mother called social services officials to ask for help with her daughter's uncontrollable,immoral,and loose behavior with men.When the officials sent out an investgator,he discovered that the complaint from Adelheid Schmidt,92 concerned her daughter Tina,68.The investigator explained to the elder Schmidt that there was nothing he could do,since Tina was more than a half-century past the age of consent.
A Romanian village is enjoying a tourist boom,thanks to a "humping hill" that is believed to help couples conceive.The mayor of Horea,Corneliu Olar,is determined to promote the hill as a tourist attraction,and has planted extra bushes to provide privacy to couples." It has been a tradition for more than three centuries,"Olar says."Romanian kings have come and gone,but the humping hill has always been there.
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The Instructor
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noreply66 wrote:A Romanian village is enjoying a tourist boom,thanks to a "humping hill" that is believed to help couples conceive.The mayor of Horea,Corneliu Olar,is determined to promote the hill as a tourist attraction,and has planted extra bushes to provide privacy to couples." It has been a tradition for more than three centuries,"Olar says."Romanian kings have come and gone,but the humping hill has always been there.
We have a "humping hill" here in Ironton.
It is the hill WIRO is on top of!!
Julia Stiles shut down filming of a movie in the Czech Republic after she accidentally dosed herself with laxatives.The actress, 25 visited a pharmacy for aspirin to treat a headache and ,not speaking Czech,used her acting skills to mine her need for a painkiller. She received a bottle of pills and swallowed several,but when she returned to the set,found that her distress had moved southward.I said Oh God,something is really wrong here,Stiles says.I talked to the first assistant director,who was bilingual,and she said ,Oh no, thats not aspirin! Thats a laxative! Needless to say I know the Czech word for laxative now.
A British hamster is recovering after a harrowing,four-minute trip through an industrial shredding machine.Staff at a recycling plant in north Wales are unclear how the hamster,now named Mike,ended up in the huge machine,which can reduce an old stove to shreds of metal in seconds.But they theorize that he survived by being small enough to scoot between the giant blades while large enough not to fall through any of the various sorting grids. "We don't get very much animals activity here," said plant general mansger Tony Williams. "But we've delighted Mike survived.
A 440-pound German man survived being run over by a car when his heavy padding of fat protected his internal organs from being crushed .The man was riding a bicycle when he braked suddenly and fell onto the road.He was immediately run over by a Volkswagon Polo.To the amazement of police the man suffered only a dislocated hip and some scratches from the underside of the car. " Someone smaller would not have been so lucky," said a police spokesman
Salma Hayek attributes the development of her career-enchancing breast to divine intervention,says In Touch. As a teenagers,Hayek was flat chested,and in her despair she decided to ask for God's help. "I went to a church that was supposed to do miracles and I put my hands in holy water and I said,"Please God,give me breast,"Hayek says.Within just a few months,she began to swell into her current shape.
Operators of Europe's largest railway station,which recently opened in Berlin,are acknowledging they should have designed it with more than one set of restrooms.The $700 million station serves more than 30,000 people daily."We realize there is a problem and are now planning to build a second set of toilets as quickly as possible,: said Holger Auferkamp, a spokeman for the station.Currently, lines for the lone men's and women's rooms often extend for more than 100 yards.
An elderly German shoplifter tried to bite his way out of police custody,even though he wasn't wearing his false teeth.Gustav Ernegger,70,of Braunschweig,was apprehended by a policeman as he fled from a clothing store with a stolen shirt. In desperation,Ernegger bit the officer's arm,moistening it severely."He tried to bite the officer several times,"Said police spokeperson Gunther Brauner"but had forgotten to put his false teeth in and so was unable to cause him any harm.