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Man talking to his Wife, "Every time I see something funny I can't stop laughing, "he told her. "Bet you have A tough time shaving. "

Bob: "Why didn't you laugh at Charlie's joke ? I thought that one was really good. "

Jim: " I thought so, too, but I don't like Charlie. I'll laugh when I get home. "

While walking my son's dog, I saw a neighbor man & greeted him. I said, "Fred, I dunno howta tellya this & be polite, but yesterday morn, I was out as I am now, & passed your house. The front curtain was open, and I saw you & yer wife...well...doung whatcha done to consummate yer marriage, so ya might wanna shut yet curtain in the future before..." Fred replied, "That's impossible...I was on a business trip & only got back a coupla hours ago!"

Hahaha

Husband goes with his wife to her high school reunion.



After meeting several of her friends and former school mates, they are sitting at a table where he is yawning and overly bored. The band cranks
up and people are beginning to dance.



There's a guy on the dance floor living it large, break dancing, moon walking, back flips, buying drinks for people, the works.



Wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? 40 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.



Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating..!!

BubbleGum Tiger wrote:Husband goes with his wife to her high school reunion.



After meeting several of her friends and former school mates, they are sitting at a table where he is yawning and overly bored. The band cranks
up and people are beginning to dance.



There's a guy on the dance floor living it large, break dancing, moon walking, back flips, buying drinks for people, the works.



Wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? 40 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.



Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating..!!

You might be a radical Moslem if:

Your man-cave is really a cave.

You have more diapers on yer head than on yer baby

You think vests come in only two styles-bullet-proof & suicide.

You believe a virgin is an ugly 3rd-grader with no bros. or uncles.

You think "deodorant" is a city in Yemen.

You drink, bathe, wash clothes, swim, & bathroom in the same body of water.

Your Bingo numbers are B-52, F-18, B-1

Your kids' fave TV character is Dora the Exploder.

You don't go out drinking cuz you can get bombed at home.

Your doorbell goes "Ramalamadingdong".

There was lotsa food at yer wedding to keep the flies off the bride.

You refine heroin for a living, but you morally object to liquor.

You don't like balloons cuz they won't blow themselves up.

You know yer son is angry cuz he was playing with yer bomb & went thru the roof.

Your daughter took a drink of beer in public & got stoned.

Your son died trying to prove the Big Bang theory at his daycare center.

Your uncle played Russian Roulette with an autoloader.

Subject: Tragedy In Newfoundland

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Twillingate, NFLD man answered his door to find two grim-faced RCMP officers.

"We're sorry Mr. Flynn, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the officers.

"Tell me! Did you find her?!" Cedric Flynn asked.

The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, Mr. Flynn said, "Give me the bad news first."

The RCMP officer said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the bay."

"Lord have mercy!" exclaimed Flynn. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news?"

The officer continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 of the best looking Atlantic Lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960's, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."

Stunned, Mr. Flynn demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?"

The officer replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."

now that is funny

Wow... smh..

Q: what's the difference between Muhammed Ali and Osama Bin Laden?

A: Ali survived several shots to the head.

A boy confesses to his priest.
'Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a girl.'
The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?'
'Yes, Father, it is.'
'And who was the girl you were with?'
'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.'
'Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'
'I cannot say.'
'Was it Nancy Connor?'
'I'll never tell you.'
'Was it Judy Cohen?'
'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'
'Was it Kate Takenyo?'
'My lips are sealed.'
'Was it Rose DeMarco, then?'
'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you better leave and behave yourself.'
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'

'A four month holiday and five good leads ...'

I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.

Q: Why are foreign Moslems like cue balls?

A: The harder ya hit'em, the more English ya get!

Everyone has a right to be stupid. Politicians just abuse the privilege.

The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes".

BubbleGum Tiger wrote:The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes".

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's..
Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

What's a Slobbovian? Anyone who's NOT YOU, for comedy purposes. If you're black, it could be anyone not black. if you're Mexican, it could be anyone not Mexican. If you're baptist, it could be anyone not baltist, except Moslems, who should be called what they are in jokes, far as I'm concerned.

Slobbovians live in the nation of Slobbovia, are of the Slobbovian race, practice the Slobbovian religion, are at a different intelligence level, etc. and are sometimes abbreviated "Slobbs".

So, fire away with yer best racial/ethnic/religious jokes without using hurtful slurs or terms!

Some examples:

Q: What are Slobbs famous for inventing?
A: the double-decker outhouse.

Q: Why did the Slobb bride wear blue jeans to her wedding?
A: To match her teerh.

Q: How did that bride recognize her groom?
A: By his clean bowling shirt.

A Slobbovian potato farmer, looking for some harvest help, stopped by the local bawdy house. He said to the madam, "I heard you had some cheap hoers here." She indignantly replied, "Sir! They're PROSTITUTES!" He replied, I don't give a hoot about their religion-can they dig potatoes?"